**Funny**
#1 Guest_margah_*
Posted 08 August 2003 - 18:34 pm
o k .. here's the first one:
What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags have in common?
They are both made out of plastic and are dangerous for children to play with.
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A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
"Hey, nice tie!" comes out of nowhere. He looks up at the bartender to see if he had said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar the man just ignores it.
"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
"It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts."
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What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
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What is a 6.9?
A 69 interupted by a period.
What is a 72?
A69 with 3 people watching.
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Why can't a blonde dial 911?
She can't find the eleven.
*
One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''
*
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left."
So they went home.
*
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
well you can find better.. this was just an email...... (no offense to anyone thou)
#2 Guest_CrushinLionHeart_*
Posted 08 August 2003 - 20:54 pm
Bush got a coded message from Saddam.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA was stumped too, so it went to the NSA.
The NSA couldn't solve it either, so they asked Bill Clinton.
He suggested turning the message upside down ...
-What's funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.
#3 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 12 August 2003 - 03:00 am
Very nice!
The one on Bush might be real!
lo siento I haven't jokes this time but I promise I'll find and translate them.
Bye and thanks !
#4
Posted 17 August 2003 - 18:08 pm
IĀ“ve to become Into Ssj
#5 Guest_margah_*
Posted 18 August 2003 - 00:10 am
crushlions' were so funny too the funniest was the coded message one.haahaha!
ok heres more:
What's the position to make ugly babies?
Ask your parents.
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An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.''
And the blonde looks up and says, ''Where?''
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A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich.
When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant.
A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear."
It says, ''Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves.''
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Why did the 3 blondes jump off the building?
They wanted to see if their maxi-pads really had wings.
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A tall blonde and a tall brunette are stading in an elevator. A short bald man with lots of dandruff walks in, then gets off at the next floor. The brunette says, āBoy he could use some head and shoulders.ā
The blonde says, āHm. How do you give shoulders?ā
HAAAAAAAAHAHA!!
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How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
Envelopes in the disk drive.
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#6 Guest_margah_*
Posted 18 August 2003 - 13:06 pm
#7 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 19 August 2003 - 01:03 am
Wahahhahahahahahaha! Sooooo coooool!!!
Where did you find it?
Thank you so much!
#8 Guest_margah_*
Posted 19 August 2003 - 01:50 am
many websites.. some are spanish ones, translated.. hehe
#9 Guest_Taurus Aldebaran_*
Posted 20 August 2003 - 23:59 pm
the blod woman is just classic in jokes =]]
i dont have any joke in english
#10 Guest_margah_*
Posted 25 August 2003 - 17:09 pm
..
...margah!
#11 Guest_Taurus Aldebaran_*
Posted 26 August 2003 - 02:29 am
Kiss margah
#12 Guest_margah_*
Posted 26 August 2003 - 23:00 pm
..
...margah!
#13 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 27 August 2003 - 00:35 am
I read them one more time, just to laugh when I wake up!
Thanks margah.
#14 Guest_margah_*
Posted 23 September 2003 - 00:22 am
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it ".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?" Sam : "She's a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical reco rds show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father coincidencely got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
#15 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 23 September 2003 - 00:43 am
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Thanks margah!
Kisses
#16
Posted 30 September 2003 - 01:01 am
That darn panda almost killed me as well!
.."pretty ugly"...HAH!
#17 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 30 September 2003 - 09:01 am
Yeah, I would'nt be Mary.
#18 Guest_margah_*
Posted 02 October 2003 - 01:06 am
so whats up?.. how come no one posts funny jokeS? it can be funny stories that have happened to your family/ friends/ you...
c'mon!!
#19 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 03 October 2003 - 00:49 am
A blond and a brunette are walking together and the brunette say:
-Aw look, a dead bird!!!
And the blond look the sky and say:
-Where?
This one works very well in Europe:
what's the difference between God and the Frenchies?
God doesn't think he's french. (you understand......? )
I'm a bad joker...
#20 Guest_Rhadamanthe del Wyvern_*
Posted 03 October 2003 - 00:50 am
How do you sink a belgian submarine?
................you knock at the door!!!!!
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